Steamboat Sheraton: A Scenic, Wonderful Course That's Adverse to Hacks

By "The Hack"
Rockies Golf Daily Hack Reviewer

STEAMBOAT SPRINGS, Colo. - Admit you're a hack. Just say it. It's okay. We're alone, together and on the internet.

If you're going to Steamboat-Sheridan in Steamboat Springs, here's a word of advice: rip off as many range balls as you can.

Second word of advice: get the hell out of here, go down the street and play Haymaker.

And you will need those range balls! Wild doglegs, tree-lined wilderness and many a river intersect and run adjacent to the fairways. It's terribly unfair for hacks. This Robert Trent Jones II designed course was built to challenge low handicap ringers who can tell the difference between a Big Bertha and a Big Mama. "The Hack" played this course like Roseanne Barr sings the National Anthem. In doing this review, I would tell you all about the 18 holes I played. But I lost all of my balls by hole 15 and spent most of my time in the rough looking for more balls.

If you can't take a wood and drive it straight with authority, then you are going to pay. And if you go to their pro shop to buy a sleeve of golf balls (that's only three golf balls for those of you who reside in Arkansas), then you will pay $7.50. And if you suck at golf like I do and dare buy balls from this shop, you had better have extended credit on your Visa card. Because Steamboat Sheridan does not take American Express and they don't hold much regard for duffers who use Irons to create craters.

That being said, this is a beautiful, well-kept resort course that is professionally run and well managed. Everything about the presentation of this facility is first-rate. The range balls, like many resort courses, are stacked neatly in a pyramid and you can take your drives off of a sand-based surface. The pro shop is impeccable and you will find that the staff is very courteous. Unlike some Vail area courses that I will not name, there is no snootyness here.

Trees line many of the holes and pretty rivers intersect and run adjacent to many of the fairways - especially on the back nine. This is the kind of course where you at times wish you just hiked it like you would a splendid trail along Estes Park. It's not uncommon to see wildlife like deer, foxes and raccoons. However, this course is no walk in the park. It's grueling, unforgiving, long and will cause any duffer real Terrell Davis migraine.

One hole on the front nine has a lake to the right only 150 yards away. I made a sacrificial contribution of FOUR Top Flites just in that lake alone!. Then on the next hole. You have a lake directly in front of you, plus a wicked dogleg right that should cause the Hackers Union to file a grievance. Do NOT try to hit a home run shot over this lake! Go for a layup shot and play conservative. Get heroic if you want. But don't write me letters to the editor and say "The Hack" did not tell you so.

And it is nothing uncommon to find holes on the back nine that require absolute precision on your shots or risk running your shot in the drink.

The first four holes of Steamboat Sheridan are pretty reasonable. They're wide fairways that allow you to take woods and let loose. The designers used these holes to tempt, tease and lull you that this will be a typical round of golf. Ah, but you will be mistaken if you're not careful. Get off to a good good start. Gain some pars here to get your confidence going.

Of course, when you're a hack, you really don't play with confidence. Bravado yes. Stupidity certainly. But play this course conservatively or else consider buying stock in Top Flite.

The beer girls are definitely worth scoping out. They're cute and actually worth talking to. Get this: one of them had a degree in accounting, but chose to drive a beer cart instead. I hope she avoids her parents and deferred her student loan payments as well.

Haymaker is a new course just five minutes away on Highway 40 that is much better for the unskilled golfer. It offers wide open fairways, plenty of water holes and deadly bunkers. But Haymaker is a place a hack can navigate and play with enjoyment. You MUST go to Haymaker to see the Aspens in the backdrop in late September. They're so beautiful that they can help you forget that your golf game has more problems than Bill Clinton's presidency.

Steamboat is a resort ski town and offers plenty of hiking in the summer. The downtown is clean and offers the typical touristy retail shops that are filled with crap that will be in your future garage sale. Tubing is big in this town and expect lodgings to run on the pricey side. Steamboat is nice and not as fake, frivolous and phony as Vail. The golf is terrific, but expensive. Steamboat Sheridan will run over $100 (room included, when on special) and Haymaker is in the $70 range. Again, make sure you have your credit cards.